Sunday, September 19, 2010

Somber Days...

I got a card about a week ago and I have read it several times since then for encouragement and strength. For the past few weeks I've been in this "emotional rut". I don't know how it started or why. I just know that things seem to be getting harder for me and I've been feeling so lazy and unmotivated. I almost feel like I'm crashing from the first 3 months of non-stop work and constant movement. It takes so much of me, just to do a blog post. I did the collection challenge last week to get me motivated and post something that makes me smile.  I know my blog is only about 25% of what is actually going on in my life. I try to stay positive and be that upbeat blogger and not bring  negativity to my little space, this is where I go to escape .. not wallow in my self-pity. I'm sorry if you haven't heard from me on your blog and if I haven't left you any love. I'm working at getting better at that and get out of this funk.

(card I got)
Front


Inside

 Maybe it's because it has rained for the past 3 weeks.. not the good, *hide under my covers and watch the lightning and hear the thunder* rain.. but the muggy, drizzle that makes me go BLEH!

Maybe it's the changing of the season, Fall is one of my most favorite seasons, but I also know this only leads to Winter.. which is one of my least favorite seasons. Unfortunately, North Dakota only gets a few weeks of Fall before the snow season.

I find myself getting upset over every little thing and comment made, when normally it would be overlooked and forgotten almost immediately. I know a lot of people and friends have been feeling very similar thoughts to mine, it's good to know I'm not alone in how I feel. I have had rude awakenings these past few weeks on some people and I hate when I think highly of someone and it just turns out to be a disappointment. I guess I just feel worn down and defeated.

I have been desperately missing my hubby these past few weeks too. I know I'm past the halfway mark, but it's still hard. It was hard enough him not being here for his birthday, our anniversary, and my birthday. Hayden's birthday is next week and Kaylee's is next month, and he won't be here for either. I know this is hard for him too. It's just hard seeing Hayden ask when his Dad is getting back and looking so disappointed when I tell him a few more months. It breaks my heart. I just want to hug him again, see his work shoes in our closet, and his clothes in our laundry. I want to hear the sound of his truck pulling into the driveway and the kids running to the door to greet him. I want him home.

I find it hard to open up and let my emotional side out on this blog, I guess mainly because of the rebuttal I am putting myself out there for.

I guess what I am asking for is your prayers.. prayers for patience, understanding and strength. I know that I will get past this and things will get better. I'm just anxious for it to get there already.
Thanks for reading my thoughts and feelings. 

xoxo,
Lindsay

35 comments:

  1. I have been in this place, and it's definitely not an easy thing to go through. You (and your family) will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever want to grab a cup of coffee or just sit and talk, let me know. <3

    On a side note - YAY for being past the half-way point!

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  2. i hope things get better for you :) you are in my thoughts...

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  3. I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I hope the time goes by so fast for you! I hope that the snow holds off and that you find some new inspiration and motivation soon! Xoxoxo

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  4. I think it's really important to share some of the negative on our blogs. One because it shows us as human, makes people more interested (does for me at least) and two, and most importantly...there is a lot of support out there. A lot of people going through what you are, or who understand, who have done it, felt it and can give advice or just a shoulder to lean on.
    And if you are having that hard of a time blogging, I say take a break from it for a few days. It can help.
    Also, I know how it is to be without the one you love. I was in a long distance relationship for over 6 years, it sucked. But you will seem him again and it will be amazing :)
    I hope you feel better soon, and you don't really know me too well but I'm always here to talk if anyone needs it :)

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  5. You will be in my prayers, stay strong, Jesus is with you xoxo

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  6. I know you're going thru such a hard time right now & I wish I could take it away or at least come there right now & give you a huge hug & make you laugh. I'm always here for you anytime, day or night. Hang in there, girl! I love you & am praying for you. xoxo

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  7. i'm sorry you're having a rough time. i love you. things will get brighter for you very, very soon. xoxo

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  8. O Linds, that was vry brave of U! we've all felt this way @ 1 time or another. If sum1 says they haven't, they R lyin 2 themselves or on drugs ;)& mayb they need 2 share them,(jokin). It's ok 2 slow down sumtimes 2.I know this will pass. Sendin luv & hugs ur way. Continue bein the strong beautiful woman i know u R! xo

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  9. I am glad the card I sent you meant alot to you that you go back and reread it for encouragement. Linds your dad and I are so proud of everything you are doing handling all the household daily things plus raising Hayden & Kaylee and taking care of your growing business. You are amazing to me that you can do it all alone. I know it is so hard on you being both mommie and dad to both Hay and KK. There is a rainbow in your near future when Joseph lands in your arms. Everyday is like a Christmas or Birthday present you don't know what your going to get to you start your day. Some days start rougher and and gets better as the hours go by some start opposite. Keep yourself busy and we need to Skype today I am having daughter withdrawals!!. Luv you and I am sending a momma hug to you!!! Just remember I think your awesome !!! It's ok not to be strong all the time...Just pray for strength and God will answer your prayers.

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  10. Lindsay, I'm sorry you are having a rough time! I will pray for you & I hope things get easier! And be sure to really enjoy the few weeks of fall you do get! Love you! <3<3

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  11. I appreciate your frankness. This is my first visit to your blog and I will definitely be back.
    Some reassurance: things will be good again. Promise:)

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  12. Oh, Sweetness...

    I know it feels like your days are in stand-still mode. You may not want to give off appearing weak or unable... but no one thinks this and that part in the card about wonder is true. Absolute WONDER is what you radiate!! The days are just days and the nights are just nights and all that is in between the day he left and the day he comes home is beautiful imperfection and needs to stay that way. Because if it were perfect and manageable at this time life would be so different.

    I'll see you Thursday and we'll have a nice, cozy chat... HUGS!

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  13. so sorry! I hope these months fly by and he's back before you know it. I just said a prayer for you. I hope things get better soon!

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  14. Hang in there girl! Yay for the half way mark! I'm sorry people are being stupid and saying mean things, they suck :(

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  15. Don't ever worry about letting it out on your blog - we all go through our tough times and a little bit of support and encouragement from around the world is always out there!
    Hang in there, you're doing an amazing job, and like you say, past the half-way mark with your hubby's absence.
    All the best - love and hugs from Cairns!!

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  16. Hang in there babe. We dont have much longer to go before Im home. It does make me sad that I am missing so much but you know me I always try to see the bright side of things. At least I will be home for the holidays. I hope this blog helps you feel better and find your motivation again. I love you dearly and cant wait to hold you in my arms again. Love,

    Joseph

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  17. I know how hard it is, believe me. It totally sucks ass! The thing that kept me going was how wonderful it felt when I saw him coming off that plane and everything was new again! Even now, I'm totally taking him for granted, and I know I'll be in your boat sooner than later. But you've got your friends & your kids to keep you going. Keep yourself busy, that's what I tried to do. And I know we don't know each other that well, but know that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.
    See you Weds :)

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  18. Deployments alone are very hard, even if they arent deployed to a war zone they are still very hard. And I do know how you feel about winter coming, they are hard for me too. I grew up in Ca where winter doesnt exist and I now live in a place that is cold/snowy from Oct-May..

    Cheer up from one military spouse to another! :)

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  19. i am so moved by this post. sometimes we try to hide our "real" lives on blogs, i know i do.. but when it comes out, it's okay! you ARE going through a hard time & I am going to pray for God to give you strength & happiness & patience. <3 <3 i wish i could just give you a hug :)

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  20. hang in there girlie!!! Let me know if you need anything! -Katie

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  21. I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I hope you feel better now. *hugs*

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  22. life is difficult, complicated, and messy. some people out there (esp. strangers) can be quick to judge and incredibly rude. i try to remember that they come from a different place and have different (good and bad) experiences that lead them to act the way they do. i usually end up feeling sorry for them that they weren't raised right! try to remind yourself of all you have accomplished. you are being a responsible adult, while being a good mommy as well. that is not easy. not in the slightest. hang in there. put on a happy face for the kids. kids are great for pulling you out of a funk. they love to sing and dance and be goofy. they are great entertainment. you don't have to be happy all the time (a good cry is very therapeutic), but if you fake it for a while you'll probably start to feel ok again.

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  23. Sending love your way Lindsay <3
    That card is just lovely - what a sweet friend!
    I know that "emotional rut" kind of feeling :( My misters dad has been in hospital for 3 months now & it's been an emotional rollercoaster - with more downs then ups unfortunately :(
    I think you're doing such an incredible job with everything - I don't know how you manage to get everything done and I find you so very inspiring! <3
    Keep your chin up lovely - things will start looking up soon xxx

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  24. Wow, Lindsay~ I love this post! You are so amazing! I feel so grateful to know you!! thank you for sharing yourself with us! It is so scary to put things like this out there~
    I love that card, it is beautiful and so true!
    Thank you for being such an amazing person!
    You are so strong, I know life has not been easy for you lately and you are handling it all so well! I would love to talk one day, call me if you ever want to! I would love that!
    801-673-9268.

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  25. You are certainly not alone! I've been feeling the exact same way. I'll certainly be praying for you!

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  26. I know it's Monday but I'm still hopping from Friday ... I'm your newest follower from Friday Follow! Can't wait to read more of your blog!

    Jennifer @ Life with the Lebedas
    www.lebedafamily.blogspot.com

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  27. Lindsay.. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling without your husband home. It makes my heart ache just reading your post. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I was all bummed the other day at the thought of snow just around the corner. I feel like we just had snow. Here is to hoping that fall last just a few weeks longer this year.
    XOXO
    Amber

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  28. i hope it gets better, i saw this video and instantly thought of you, the panda is adorable :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21mJh6j9i4

    it might make you feel a little better

    xo
    Christine

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  29. I wish I had something inspiring to say. Just know that everyone who reads your blog expects it to be tough for you to have a military husband. The fact that you've been so inspiring and happy on here is amazing. You are in my thoughts, and I'm sending you giant hugs. xoxoxoxoxo

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  30. That is a wonderful card! You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers..it must be tough being a military wife, but you are SO strong! And I LOVE the fact that Joseph posts on your blog! That is SO sweet. Stay strong girl, you can do it!

    ♥kayla

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  31. love you Linds. you and your family are in my prayers. hope the time flies and he's home before you know it!
    -kellie

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  32. I know that i am chiming in a little late here and that you are feeling better, but I just wanted to let you know that i have been thinking about you! I can't imagine going a week without my husband, you are strong and there are so many people out there that love and support you! Hang in there girl, only a few more months and he will be in your arms again! Love you!
    xoxo~Meg

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  33. Okay, I'm three days late, but I wanted to tell you I'm thinking about you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. I know it's tough, but you're a strong woman, and you'll pull through. Before you know it, you'll be counting down days instead of months!!

    - Nicole

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  34. Feeling down is all a matter of circumstance and unfilled expectations (even the little things, like expecting sunshine and it's raining). Hang in there, it's tough at times but one thing is for sure- you have a great community to back you, to distract you in the most fun way possible (blogging!). When you come out with something so personal and vulnerable, there are people who will come out with the same to say we have been there, and this is me telling you, yes, i have been there. hang in there! xo

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